Today is the first day that I am trying to quit. I have a little over a half a pack of cigarettes on my night stand, but I don't want anything to do with it. I slipped earlier & smoked a tight (3 drags). & Now I am craving even more. I know that this process is going to be hard, but I am ready to stop. I'm going to try to get my fiance' to stop with me, because that would save us $105-$130 a week. We need that money to put towards bills etc. But that isn't why I want to quit, I want to quit for my health. I've always had really bad anxiety, & panic attacks. My chest hurts so bad sometimes that I feel like I can breathe. I've ended up in the E.R multiple times because of it, but to no avail & no answers. My grandfather, who was my best friend/father figure in my life, smoked, until he had a heart attack & quit. He always wanted me & my sister to quit smoking, I'd go a few hours without a cigarette, but then had to light one up. He passed away, & I regret not quitting while he was still here. I know that he is in heaven watching over me, helping me through this process. I also know that god is on my side, & he will help me get through this. I have also vowed to stop drinking, not completely, but I'm not going to drink like I have been. I hate the way that I feel the next day & it takes me days to recover, so why even put myself through it? I hope that one day I will be strong enough to drop drinking completely, but one bad habit at a time is what I can handle. Patience is a virtue right? This blog is going to help me so much, being able to write about how I feel, my moods, anything & everything that is going to happen to me through this. My Papa's birthday RIP is January 17, I want to have kicked the habit by then. I really hope that I can do it & I know that I can. Right now, I am craving nicotine bad, my minds telling me "Just a few hits", but I know that it will only lead to me not stopping & I don't want that. I have to be strong. My relationship with God is going to help me so much through this. I am better that cigarettes, I am better than the tobacco company's. I've been smoking since I was 14, I'll be 20 at the end of this month. That's 6 years too long if you ask me. Once I get through this, I hope to never get back on cigarettes again. I'm going to do anything & everything that I can do to stay away from them. I'm hoping for the best right now. I know that it's only day one, & this road is going to be long & hard, but I have faith in myself. I'm going to write little notes to myself at the end of these little blogs, little reminders that I can do this. --Samantha
You are beautiful, & you don't need to resort to cigarettes. Your better than that.
